Looking down at my worst of 2011 list it seems I managed to avoid many of this year’s cinematic duds, but let me tell you that having to sit through the animation atrocity that was Mars Needs Moms, the ice cold Chalet Girl and Dream House, the horror-thriller no-one wanted to be associated with, was more than enough to see me through.
The films I’ve chosen – and believe me when I say it was a very easy process – are what I believe to represent the most reprobate films I saw through the course of the year.
1. Mars Needs Moms (Dir: Simon Wells, 2011)
The characters looks like dead-eyed zombies. Need I say more? It’s definitely not a children’s children’s film.
2. Faster (Dir: George Tillman Jr., 2011)
Conventional action-thriller drivel, with added Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
3. Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (Dir: Robert Marshall, 2011)
Not only does this standalone instalment waste the talents of Penélope Cruz (Spanish vixen), Johnny Depp (brilliant) and Geoffrey Rush (Australian acting legend), but it completely fails to acknowledge the trilogy that precedes it. It’s nothing more than a tired, money-making wreck.
4. Dream House (Dir:
Jim Sheridan, 2011)
There’s not much more to say when its director (Jim Sheridan) and Oscar-winning cast member (Rachel Weisz) have already filed injunctions to have their names removed from the credits. Or, as it spoils the central twist, watch the trailer.
5. The Resident (Dir: Antti Jokinen, 2011)
Hilary Swank shouldn’t do horror, ever!
6. Chalet Girl (Dir: Phil Traill, 2011)
Felicity Jones may be the current ‘it’ actress, but this is schmaltzy, romanticised fodder at its most predictable and frustratingly dull. If you want a Jones fix, then opt for Albatross or Like Crazy instead.
7. Red Riding Hood (Dir: Catherine Hardwicke, 2011)
A rising director, a talented cast and a welcomed edgy approach. All the ingredients were there for this to be a major hit. Sadly, these elements didn’t amalgamate well. Sorry, Warner Bros. Pictures. Better luck next time!
8. Colombiana (Dir: Olivier Megaton, 2011)
A paint-by-numbers action-thriller that heralds a new low for the once peerless Luc Besson. Now, where’s my León DVD?
9. The Hangover Part II (Todd Phillips, 2011)
It gives you exactly what it says on the tin: The Hangover, a second time around.
10. The Thing (Dir: Matthijs Van Heijningen Jr., 2011)
Unnecessary. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is FAR better than this.
Honorable mention goes to The Ides Of March, the most disappointing of this years “highly anticipated” crop. Bland, bland, bland…
What are the worst films of 2011 in your eyes? Leave a comment below.